Old Cretians
There are too many Old Cretians, who have left the school to go on to become lasting figures in the Pantheon of the Great and the Good, to list here, but here are some of the most illustrious and infamous of our alumini!
Benjamin Austin 1935 - 1985
Explorer of the foothills behind the East Russian city of Yakutsk. Opened up new yak-skin trading routes between Yakutsk, Okhotsk and Vladivostok. Ambushed and killed by local ferret mafia.
Fiona Bibble 1942 -
Leader of the arch-feminist Worthing Independence Party from 1964 - 68, after which she moved to the USA to join the presidential campaign trail for Richard Nixon.
Penelope Dawes 1977 -
Well-known local figure jailed in 1992 for the triple murder of her business associates. Earned the soubriquet The Spitting Vixen for her methods of putting the police off her trail.
Sir Edmund Gower 1853 - 1921
Founding member of the notorious Semolina Club, which rose to prominence in 1903 for publicly advocating a pre-emptive attack on Russia.
Margaret Hopes 1935 -
Academic and leading Oxford Theologian, whose major works include The seminal Problems of Divine Intervention within a Modern Context of Post Soviet Socialist Realities.
Samuel Kriel 1844 - 1907
Assistant Secretary's assistant to the Home Secretary, Henry Bruce, 1872 - 73.
Saviour Mandleblatt 1936 - 1984
Inventor of the modern harness strap for automatic cow-milking machines. Recently nominated for the Queen’s Agricultural Award for Development and Innovation.
Selwyn Massmann 1944 - 2004
Mountain climber of international repute. Most recently (July, 2004) climbed Ben Nevis dressed as a dalek, to raise money for charity. Sadly, this was to be his last climb, as he died of heat-exhaustion on the way down.
Dwenge M’Boatang 1932 -
Activist and eventual first President of the newly independent, but short-lived African republic of Ngongo-Banandaland in 1964. In exile since 1970, believed to be living in Kashmir.
Sir Brice Taylor 1878 - 1940
Inventor of the much-maligned Bending Bomb in WWII. Earlier awarded the Order of the Knotted Cross (Third Class) by the then Abyssinian government.
Jimmy "Thwack" 1974 -
Currently presenting the childrens’ TV programme Splash ’n’ Dip! Head of Childrens’ Entertainment at Saltdean Lido.
Fiippo Tombola 1892 - 1968
Author and poet. Published a number of light childrens’ classics, such as The Egg Doctor and When Tigglebacks Went To The Fairy-Cake Market. Later successes include the epic poem, The Bleakness of Death’s Dark Oblivion and Life’s Cruel Betrayal.
Earnest Wilkes 1923 - 1990
Composer. Works include light operas and the theme tune to the TV hit Who’s Ya Baby?
Turning bog-standard children into total Cretians